Story 7: Struggles to finish

Story 7: Struggles to finish

It feels like the universe is trying to tell me something, since last month it all hit me at once.
The products I worked on the last few years were all cancelled or are now paused.
I look back at what I’ve done the last few years and it feels it didn’t add up to anything…
I’m not really one to pout and give up, I always get out of bed and I always go on and work. I never stopped once before, but now I’m getting sad and really tired of all the things that aren’t working out at the moment (work-wise) and I have no idea where and how I should get my energy back.

People with ADHD and ADD have a hard time focusing and with the rewards only arriving after a long time it means lots of struggles to stay on task or hyper focusing when the deadline is near.
It can be very satisfying, when you reach the finish line. But when the finish line never comes… Or is nowhere in sight…

I get drained.

It feels wrong to say you need a finish line, when the journey and the joy to do things count just as much, but at some point the giving energy and receiving energy need to be balanced out to be able to keep on going, at least for me, in this moment. I get a boost when people appreciate my work or it helps them, for example in education.
In short: When my contributions have a purpose in life.  

It’s hard to think straight and design a new gameplan. I need to find my purpose back; what is it I’m pursuing creatively?
Maybe I’ve been so focused on what other people want from me I lost what I actually like to do. Or maybe I should just re-focus my attention to my personal life and do more fun stuff, instead of reaching goals…
I’m so deep down the rabbit hole, I even find it hard to draw and express myself. But I tried. And I will keep on trying.
Maybe now this is out of my system I will feel better.